so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
