i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
