I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.