THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
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she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?