My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
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There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...