I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.