Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
