Duck Duck Cougar?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?