I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
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So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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