I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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