I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
