We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
