So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
