fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
