I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Panties = found
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