I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
