The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
