I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
