Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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