also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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