I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
