I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
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someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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