My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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