i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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