Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
