We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
