You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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