On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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