I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize