I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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