mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.