I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
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Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster