I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
