I wanna bring you to show and tell
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
