sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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