so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lo siento on account of my penis...