i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
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I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.