Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
