I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
