I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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