Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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