It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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