i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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