I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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