I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
