I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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