I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
