I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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