But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize