have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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