I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
