these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
