Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
