During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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