I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
