So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
