You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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