Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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