I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
