I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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