1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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