i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
