Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the condom got lost in my hair
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
