dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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