Sry I called you an 8
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
