I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
are you so shy because you have an std?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
