Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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