i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
