Apparently you make a good broom.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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