You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
